


forever cursed in love are the observant

by orphan_account



Series: hymns [8]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: M/M, One passage has suicide but it's small, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 04:08:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5319917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Oh, don't look so sour, Fordsy! It's not too late to join me."</p><p>Stanford has heard this before somewhere. In his mind, maybe.</p><p>(Bill puts Stanford in a time loop until he gets the answer that he wants.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	forever cursed in love are the observant

i.

 

Out of everyone, it has always been Bill Cipher.

 

This remains true for thirty years.

 

Bill calls him a genius, Bill tells him that he can finally get his answers, Bill goes inside of his mind and fixes every broken swing-set, rebuilds every knocked-down castle, patches up every one of his wounds.

 

Bill says:  _you're the smartest person I've ever known._

 

Bill says:  _Everyone, this armageddon wouldn't be possible without help from our friend here. This brainiac is the one who built the portal in the first place!_

 

Bill's hands in his hair, rough — Stanford thinks, for a moment, that this is how Bill would have held him thirty years ago, if Bill had hands or arms or anything to  _touch._

 

Out of everyone, it has always been Bill Cipher.

 

This remains true,  _until the end of time._

 

"Don't look so sour, Fordsy," Bill says. "It's not too late to join me!"

 

Out of everyone, it has always been Bill Cipher, and Stanford considers it. Bill is above him in every way,  _but:_ Bill is also beneath him.

 

He thinks that maybe he could take Bill down from the inside, he thinks that maybe they could be close again, be together again, be  _you're the smartest person I've ever known_ again, be — 

 

_No._

 

"I'll die before I join you," Stanford says.

 

"I knew you were going to say that."

 

ii.

 

It's  _hilarious,_ how easy it is to make Stanford Pines collapse. Stanford Pines — the man who changed the world. A genius, with twelve PhDs, crumbling for someone that he hates.

 

It takes only three words. Bill decides to go with  _I need you,_ this time. He can save  _I want you_ and  _I love you_ for later.

 

"Don't look so sour, Fordsy," Bill says. "It's not too late to join me!"

 

" _No._ "

 

"Come on! Join me, and anything you've ever wanted can finally be yours." Bill laughs for a moment, and lowers his voice: " _Including me._ "

 

"My — my answer is —  my answer is still no."

 

"I  _need_ you, okay?" Bill tells him. "It wouldn't feel right without you. I need you to help me. Everyone's waiting for an answer! The people are just  _dying_ to know what your decision is. Literally, they're dying."

 

"I'm flattered," Stanford says. "But it's not happening, Bill. I'll  _die_ before I join you."

 

"I was afraid you'd say that," Bill laughs. "Can't blame a guy for trying, though, right?"

 

"Go to hell, Bill."

 

"Now, now. Is that any way to treat an old friend? Let's try this again."

 

iii.

 

"Don't look so sour, Fordsy," Bill says. "It's not too late to join me!"

 

"I'll  _die_ before I join you."

 

Stanford doesn't even have to think about it.

 

iv.

 

This time, Bill kills him out of frustration.

 

_Wait._

 

That isn't right.

 

v.

 

"Don't look so sour, Fordsy. It's not too late to join me!"

 

"No."

 

"Let me put it this way: I  _want_ you, Stanford. I want us again, and I know you want that, too. Don't you want it to be just like old times? Say yes."

 

"No," Stanford repeats. It almost sounds convincing.

 

vi.

 

Maybe Stanford has been running for thirty years.

 

He scrapes his knees and he runs, he kills other creatures and he runs, he makes a home somewhere on the other side of the portal. Somewhere nice, with trees. He stays there for a while, but he always ends up running. His reasons for running are always different — sometimes he runs to stay alive, sometimes he runs from the memory of Stanley, sometimes he runs from his death, but ultimately these reasons all bleed into one reason and then he is running from Bill Cipher, running from the fact that he loved Bill Cipher, running from the betrayal.

 

Maybe Stanford never stopped running.

 

"Oh, don't look so sour, Fordsy! It's not too late to join me," Bill says, and Stanford considers running again.

 

It's terrifying how much he wants to say yes.

 

But: Dipper is down there, somewhere, and Dipper could  _never_ understand.

 

"I'll die before I join you."

 

vii.

 

When Stanford was 15, he thought he was in love.

 

It was some girl that Stanford doesn't even remember the name of, now — she had red hair, probably, and freckles, and beauty.

 

He was wrong, of course.

 

When Stanford was much, much older, he thought he was in love.

 

It's a golden muse, this time, and this time, he got love right, recognized love like something with claws, scratching and tearing its way inside of him. This time, he got love right. This time, he got love right. This time, he got love right.

 

Until love turned into destruction.

 

Still.

 

Stanford thinks about  _love,_ thinks about that girl, thinks about his beautiful, golden muse who he loved  _so much._ _  
_

 

 "Oh, don't look so sour, Fordsy. It's not too late to join me!" Bill says — the words are tired. Bill acts like he's practiced them before, in the darkness of someone's mind,  _it's not too late to join me, it's not too late to join me, it's not too late to join me, it's not too late to —_

 

Stanford has heard this before somewhere. In his mind, maybe.

 

"I'll  _die_ before I join you," he spits.

 

viii.

 

There will always be something inside of Stanford that doesn't want to see Bill hurt.

 

It's ridiculous, because Bill hurt him. Bill hurt him so much that he had to stick a metal plate in his head. Bill branded him with his image, metal hot and burning and Stanford can still feel the sharp pain  _—_ he remembers thinking,  _this is okay. The pain will fade, and Bill will be happy with me. He'll praise me for this. Soon it will all be over._ _  
_

 

Stanford thinks about the marks on his skin. He feels something like deep sickness turn over and over inside of him.

 

There will always be something inside of Stanford that doesn't want to see Bill hurt  _—_ at one point, he would have done  _anything_ to protect his beautiful, golden muse.

 

He felt a small moment of sickness when he prepared to shoot Bill back through the rip. Only for a moment, and then the sickness was gone and with it every fond memory Stanford had of Bill.

 

He's still thinking about the marks on his skin, now, after his plan failed, and feeling the deep sickness again. Something like... regret.

 

"Oh, don't look so sour, Fordsy," Bill says. "It's not too late to join me!"

 

"I hate you," Stanford says. "I really do, I hate you. What makes you think I'd  _ever_ join you again?"

 

"Because you love me."

 

Stanford laughs. "My love for you died a long, long time ago. Go to hell. I'll  _die_ before I join you."

 

"Go to hell? That's where I  _come from,_ remember? Boy, you're even more stupid than I thought."

 

"I know you're going to do some crazy thing to me, like torture me or make me..." Stanford remembers that Dipper is down there listening. "Well, anyways, I don't care what you do to me. Let's get it over with. Dipper,  _run._ "

 

He hears a faint  _Great Uncle Ford, I'm not leaving you._ Just for a second. He wonders if it was real or not.

 

"Nope!" Bill laughs. "I'm just going to ask you over, and over, and over... even if it means seeing you reject me  _one million times._ "

 

"What are you talking about  _—_ " 

 

 ix.

 

 Stanford feels disgust, because he considers Bill's offer.

 

He thinks about it, thinks about what it would feel like to watch the world fall apart  _—_ he thinks that if he accepted, it would be just Stanford Pines and Bill Cipher in the end, and  _that's what he wanted thirty years ago,_ an ending where he could be with Bill forever.

 

He's disgusted with himself.

 

"No," he says. "I  _—_ I'll  _—_ I'll  _die_ before I join you."

 

x.

 

Bill had a family once.

 

Not anymore, though.

 

 

xi.

 

"I'll die before I join you."

 

xii.

 

Bill doesn't know why he's doing this.

 

He wants someone who he can rule with  _—_ he has friends but they don't look at him like he is hollow and something worse than sin. It gets boring. Stanford is  _exciting._ Stanford hates him (but doesn't) and Bill has always loved the words  _disgusting, hatred,_ and  _fuckyoufuckyoufuckyougotohell._

 

It would be interesting to share the end with Stanford. 

 

He will continue going back, replaying the scene over again, resetting, until the end of time ( _— like their deal_ ) if he has to. He won't feel anything. He's been alive longer than this universe has been in existence and Stanford is the only truly  _interesting_ individual that he's ever known. _  
_

 

Bill knows why he's doing this  _—  because it's fun._

 

(Stanford says  _no_ again.)

 

xiii.

 

Some things that always  _are:_

 

  * Stanford says  _no._



 

  * This is not a love story anymore.



 

  * Stanford doesn't go with Bill, because that's not how it works.



 

  * Bill's three interchangeable words ( _I love/want/need you_ ) are not enough. He tries to think of something else.



 

  * Stanford's  _no_ s are always different. Sometimes he stammers like he's trying to convince himself he's making the right choice, sometimes he tells Bill to go to hell, sometimes it's a simple  _no _—__  usually, it's  _I'll die before I join you._



 

  * Bill's responses are always different. Sometimes he laughs, other times he stares at Stanford like he's staring into the dark sky and says:  _I guess we'll have to try this again._



 

  * This is not a love story anymore. (Stanford says  _no._ )



 

  * That's just not how it fucking works. Bill is getting tired of asking. He should kill Stanford  _— it would be fun._ It would be  _hilarious_ to see Dipper fall to the ground, holding his great uncle's body, begging  _come back, come back, come back._



 

  * Bill keeps asking.



 

  * Stanford continues saying  _no._



 

  * Bill keeps asking.



 

  * Stanford continues saying  _no._



 

  * Bill keeps asking.



 

  * Stanford continues saying  _no._



 

xiv.

 

"You're gonna join me," Bill says. "You're gonna have the best damn time of your life with me. We're gonna destroy the world together. You don't get a choice."

 

Stanford says:  _Okay._

 

"Really?"

 

"Yes, of course. Just put me back down so I can say goodbye to Dipper."

 

Bill puts him down.

 

Stanford kills himself.

 

xv.

 

That's just not how it fucking works. 

 

That's

 

just

 

not

 

how

 

it

 

fucking

 

works,

 

okay,

 

Stanford?

 

"You don't  _get_ to say no.

 

You're  _mine._ You will  _always_ be mine."

 

"I'll  _die_ before I join you," Stanford says. "Kill me. Come on, right now, just  _kill me._ I know you want to. Kill me, Bill."

 

_Great Uncle Ford, don't _—__

 

Bill turns him to stone and lets him shatter.

 

xvi.

 

Bill kills him a few more times, in a variety of different ways  _ _—__ a conjured knife to the chest, stone stone stone  _ _—__ but always goes back, resets, lets him live.

 

xvii.

 

"Oh, don't look so sour, Fordsy. It's not too late to join me!"

 

Bill watches Stanford's face, feels the sickness turn deep inside of him again. Bill grips his hair and knows that Stanford loves the feeling, even if he denies it,  _this is what we couldn't have, this is what you've always wanted, but I have a new form now and we can be anything you want us to be._

 

 

It's not enough.

 

"No."

 

"I love you," Bill says, making Stanford's face curl with disgust, which quickly turns into something like  _ _—  like shame,__ almost _. He should be grateful. He should be crumbling. Why is he not _ _—___

 

(It's not true, of course. Bill loves chaos, loves destruction, loves the weird, but never other beings. Love is disgusting. Love is  _ _—_ manipulation._)

 

Stanford turns to Dipper, mouths  _I'm sorry,_ and then turns back to Bill, says: _you're lying._

 

"Why do you think I'm lying?"

 

"Because after all this time, I still know you, Bill. You think love is disgusting. You  _ _—__ you can't even feel love. You don't have any emotions. You see people as games. You don't love me."

 

"You're wrong. I can feel love! I can feel _so_ much love. You just have to let me in."

 

Stanford gives him a smile. "Really? You  _really_ think you can  _ _—__ okay. Love me. Do it."  
  


Bill does nothing. He never thought he'd get this far  _ _— well.__ He knew that Stanford would break for him, at some point, just. Not in this way.

 

"See? You don't even know where to start."

 

"Screw it," Bill sighs. "Yeah, you're right. Love is useless. But I'm tired of this. Just  _join me,_ okay? This is the last time. If you say no, this time, then you will pay. I'm so sick of waiting." _ _  
__

 

"What do you mean 'this time?'"

 

" _I mean_ that I've seen you reject me... fuck, I lost count of how many times you've said  _I'll_ die  _before I join you._ I'm not going back anymore. This is your final decision. Stay with me and get anything you want, or die protecting that weak little family of yours. Honestly, it's not that hard to decide."

 

It all comes back: Stanford has died exactly six times, rejected Bill  _probably at least_ twenty-two times, considered his offer  _maybe_ five. (Disgusting.)

 

"You're a monster," Stanford says. "I don't get it. Why? Why would you do something like this?"

 

"That's a yes or no question, Sixer."

 

"I don't really have a choice, do I?"

 

"Nope."

 

Stanford sighs. "Very well. I'll join you."

 

xviii.

 

As Bill takes Stanford back to the pyramid, Stanford gives a sad laugh.

 

"So," he says. "I can't believe this... it's ironic, in a way."

 

"What is?"

 

"Us. Partners again, just like old times."

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> "Forever cursed in love are the observant
> 
> Forever a slave to the detail
> 
> Do you feel like a young God?  
> You know the two of us are just young gods  
> And we'll be flying through the streets with the people underneath  
> And they're running, running, running" - Young God / Halsey
> 
> "How did Bill create a time loop?" You ask. I reply valiantly, "It's Bill Cipher, man. He killed Time Baby. Why _wouldn't_ he be able to make a time loop?"
> 
> The "It's not too late to join me!" scene is _extremely_ important to me. As you can probably tell. Because I've written three thousand fics about it.
> 
> Also, this was originally supposed to be longer (like >10k) but honestly I got bored. Take this. Take it. I just want to sleep.


End file.
